my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
