I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
