I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
