i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
