As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
