what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
