Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So apparently I’m into choking now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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