i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
