If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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