I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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