Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
