Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
