Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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