You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
