Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
