You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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