She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
