What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
