i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
