Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
