In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
