I am puke
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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