I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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