woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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