the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
