The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so let's talk penis.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
