Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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