Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
