I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
