Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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