i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
