I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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