So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
