omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
