you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
