Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
