Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
