I cut my penus on the lid.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i drank out of a bidet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
