I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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