I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
