dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
