you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're like the curious george of whores
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
