im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
