can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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