Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
