i will never coherently bang her
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
