party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
