Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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