your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
