VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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