It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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