Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
