Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
